Our fearless leader has focused 2014 on "finding new business" in Reno and Las Vegas, all while working on growing out his chest hair. He has set his sights on some international clients for 2015 and has "business trips" planned to both Macau and Monte Carlo. The neck-scarf^™ is a new innovation he helped design for a client who promises to enhance the growth of his neck beard. It integrates with Apple’s new watch as well as HealthKit to provide real-time growth metrics. He has a 15% equity stake, so make sure to pick one up at your local Walmart.

Our Resident Chief Developer, Home Brewer, Father, and Ryan Gosling look-a-like finally traded in his fixed gear for a Camaro. In his spare time, he keeps busy learning every programming language on the planet to make sure Haneke Design can deliver on any project. Seriously. He can be found combing his hair at Hattrick’s on the weekend. He’ll be the one ordering a double meat sandwich, hold the bread (he’s paleo/gluten free/vegan-friendly), triple tomatoes, cooked well but not too long - with a double Crown and water to wash it down.

When David was kicked out of college for a point shaving scandal, losing his opportunity to play for the Celtics, we knew he was the perfect guy to manage our accounts. Father, in-house bracketologist far superior to Joe Lunardi, and the guy who answers the phone when you call our Google voice number, David is the glue that keeps the Haneke Design family together. We love you, little guy!

After retiring as the #1 Vespa stuntman in Bollywood, followed by a brief stint as a top male hair stylist in Miami, Jason found his true calling as Haneke Design’s Creative Director. While cutting hair at a Paul Mitchell Salon part-time downtown, he oversees the crafting of every pixel that comes out of our office. Use the code HANEKEHAIR on the newly designed mobile app he art directed for $10 off your next facial.

The Corporate America Boxing Tour recently left Bryson punch drunk and ready for a challenging new sales and marketing opportunity. A longtime friend of Mssrs. Haneke an Rivers, he was lured to the team with the promise of bare knuckle deals with exciting new clients, minus the suit and tie. Now that he’s in a great mood following the Florida Gators’ firing of Will Muschump we expect Bryson to decimate doors with his battering-ram left hook in 2015.

Brian was the Project Manager for one of the more exciting apps we built this year: “The Best of Ginger Beards for iPhone.” He rallied the team to push past the Movember deadline by keeping his mustache neatly groomed well into the month of December. Never one pass up a challenge, he is currently growing out massive sideburns with the hope of helping us win the Bern’s account.

Adam did his project management certification under Indiana Jones, devising plans to infiltrate the booby-trapped temples of Peru, all while teaching Indy how to be a better poker player. Hence, we give him some of the more challenging projects to handle here at Haneke Design, like the decoration of our massive Christmas tree and the maintenance of the numerous trophies we won this past year.

Daniel has been crafting a new logo for the Senior PGA tour and designing an app to teach the philosophies of Socrates and Kant. His handicap is still a 15, but he’s only a year away from his doctorate in Philosophy from Brigham Young University Online. We can’t wait to read his thesis on the influence of German philosophers on Arnold Palmer’s early golf course layouts with an emphasis on the typography of scorecards.

Last year we had the pleasure of recruiting Austin away from his position leading Kanye West’s style team with the promise of free PBR, something that sadly, Kanye frowned upon. He now has the pleasure of wearing clashing styles while running QA on all our apps. In addition to working on video projects at Haneke, he often wears a leather kilt into the office.

In the past year, Minho has spent time studying Android’s new operating system Lollipop with both PeeWee Herman and Bruce Lee. He currently knows 15 ways to kill a bug with his index finger and he is working on mastering the fabled “Touch of Death” that renders all competitors' compiled code useless with one swipe on a Nexus 5.

When not developing iOS or web apps for Haneke, no one’s really sure what Daniel does. He has a boat and claims to enjoy boating…not unlike Dexter Morgan. We’ve had a few people who turned down deals disappear this past year, and no one’s really sure if Daniel’s knife wasn’t the culprit. Just remember that if you’re shopping around for another development partner in 2015, Daniel received this year’s biggest bonus...

When not developing iOS apps, Greg has taken up the subtle art of furry-samurai sword fighting and is planning on auditioning next year to be the new mascot for the Notre Dame fighting Irish. At this year’s national championships, he defeated reigning US champion PandaBoy. We’re so proud of you, Greg! If he keeps training this hard, we have a fighting chance of winning the contract to develop the World Furry-Samurai Sword Fighting app in 2015.

In-between trying to sell the Encyclopedia Britannica door-to-door, James taught himself Android development. He often performs bad magic tricks in the office, but still manages to pull some decent code out of that dusty old hat. A lover of all things Google, his New Year’s resolution is to do no more evil by making apps instead of selling useless books to old ladies.

After scaring the hoodie off Mark Zuckerberg with his brain to bow-tie ratio and then intimidating Evan Spiegel by creating a messaging app where the sexts don’t disappear, Thomas decided it was time to work with a group of fearless developers and designers. He is currently working on our top secret contract with the NSA to develop an app to catch Edward Snowden.